After 25 years, I had finally got it. - Personal Testimony of Irene Hayward I grew up in a nominally Christian home in England. We went to church for weddings, Christenings and Funerals and that was about all. At that time in England, unless you stated otherwise you were assumed to belong to the Church of England and we still had prayers, hymns and Bible reading at the morning assemblies at school. I knew there was a God but He was not involved in my life. I met my husband, Mark, in Bristol and, although we never attended a church, we were married in the church in my home village in Cornwall because that was what you did and I did believe that this was important. We emigrated to Canada in 1966 by which time we had 2 small children and we were still doing fine but we were both beginning to feel that there was something missing. Mark started reading literature from various organizations and even from some religious cults. Now, I am a reader and if there is a book around, I have to read it and I did read all of this stuff too and most of it was fanatical and pretty extreme. In 1969 we had our third child and things went downhill fast. Mark was working long hours in construction and I was just not coping at all with the 3 little ones. I had no family here and had made no friends and I was so alone. I would be in fashion now and probably diagnosed with severe post partum depression but that expression hadn’t been coined yet. I felt hopeless and trapped. I knew there had to be something better than this daily struggle to make it through each day. When Mark started getting booklets from another religious organization, I fully expected it to be more nonsense but, if it was in the house, I had to read it anyway. What I found was a ray of hope. There was a God and there was something more and He wanted me to know Him. I began to devour the booklets and read a Bible and it was all there. God loved me and throughout time, He has always wanted to have a relationship with His people. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour and was Baptised in 1971 and began my life in Christ. We became members of the Worldwide Church of God and attended services in Toronto. The church stressed that salvation was a free gift, but also “Faith without works is dead” and there were a lot of rules and requirements. It was basically an Old Covenant church and they believed that the Commandments were still in effect which included the Sabbath and annual Holy Days. They were very strong on scripture. We studied diligently and I tried to measure up. I had to be the perfect Christian and Super Mom all at the same time. The minister would exhort us to pray and study at least 30 minutes each day. With 3 small children I was lucky if I got 3 minutes private time in the bathroom! I tried, I really did but somehow I never could measure up. We had our 4th daughter in 1973 and we dragged those poor children with us everywhere. We went to church every week even through blizzards when no-one else was on the roads. We even took them with us to Bible study every week. As they got older, we ran ourselves ragged to make sure they were at every youth activity and every single youth Bible Study but still it was not enough and I felt that I was failing so I tried even harder. They were, even so, good years. We had friends all over Ontario as the churches often combined for the Holy Day services. We also kept the Feast of Tabernacles and the headquarters office would designate a Feast site for each area and a number of congregations would gather for a week of Worship and Fellowship. We saved a tithe of our income for this week-long festival and traveled to many different festival sites in North America and even in England. We sang in the local church choir and joined the combined mass choir at most of the festival sites we attended. The children grew up and we managed with the teen years and coped with some major trials. The crunch came in 1993 when everything seemed to fall apart all at the same time. We were having troubles within the church family and our daughter’s marriage disintegrated and Marks’ job was not working out and it seemed like we were about to lose the house. The church itself was going through some major trials and doctrinal changes which included reevaluating the validity of the teaching on the Sabbath and Holy Days. Through all of these difficult times I clung to 1 Corinthians 13:10 which says that there will be no trial above what we are able to bear and we will be able to escape and I thought I could do it if I just tried harder. One day I was walking with the dog in Linear Park near our home and I prayed as I walked along and I cried out “God, there is nothing I can do!” and I heard this voice say “Finally! You have got it!” I looked around and there was no-one there except me and the dog and I was sure it wasn’t the dog who spoke. Yes! After 25 years, I had finally got it. I had accepted Jesus as my Saviour, but I had not given my life to Him. I thought that I was still in control. We were finally forced to leave the Worldwide Church of God and God brought us to a safe haven at King Street Baptist Church. The Pastor at that time was Dr. Daniel Gibson and Dr. Gibson’s wife had a sister who had been a long-time member of the Worldwide Church of God and so he knew just where we were coming from and was able to help us so much as we struggled. God is good and He provided just what we needed. I still wrestle with my need to control things and often try to grab the reins and each time I do, I end up in a spiritual ditch and have to start all over. I have a peace today that I lacked for all those years when I was trying to do it myself. Jesus is my Saviour and my Lord and my life is His to do whatever He wills.